Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is one of the greatest forms of self care we can have. However, many of us were raised to not make waves and to go along with others. In addition, if we were raised with performance based standards, then we may feel it is our role to monitor the feelings of others and please others. Yet, over time, we will become depleted and resentful if our needs aren’t being met properly. If we are continually saying yes to others, then often we are saying no to ourselves. It is our job to support ourselves, manage our own feelings and make sure we are properly being provided for. It is challenging for us to love and take care of ourselves if we deny ourselves what we truly want. When we say yes to others at the expense of ourselves, we set ourselves up for self betrayal. Unfortunately, others won’t always want to be responsible for us and we won’t get our needs met. Self betrayal is deeply painful and sets us up for depression. As we show up for ourselves more frequently, it may require more boundaries with others. We learn who we are and what we need. We directly state it and quickly reassess relationships and situations which violate that. It takes courage, but our relationships become richer and more fulfilling over time, because they are built on the cornerstone of respect and value. In practicing boundaries, start with safe friends and build your muscle for more challenging relationships.