Toxic Relationships
Why are toxic relationships so seductive? The rush of the new creating that sexy dopamine pumping through our bodies. It seems too good to be true. That little voice in the back of our heads tell us to slow down, be cautious, but it feels so good. Perhaps we have been in a relationship desert for too long and the promise of love is like tall drink of water that parches our dry soul. Of course, not all toxic relationships are romantic, but those are the ones I am referencing here. However, there is something deeper at play. We are taken away from ourselves, our lives and often our dreams. The focus leaves us completely. The toxic relationship quickly shifts into an all consuming habit. And when I say habit, I do mean addiction. Our nervous systems become addicted to the highs and lows of the relationship and we are in a cycle of unending instability. What was once our greatest hope for unconditional love and passion becomes our worst relationship nightmare. While many of these patterns stem from our family of origin dynamics, we are thrust into a sink or swim scenario. With our self esteem plummeted and hope depleted, it is very challenging to break these cycles. However, the first step is awareness and acknowledgment. We must take ownership for our actions, even if they were unconscious at the time. We must begin by taking a step back and attempting to regain our internal power little by little. The addiction will fill extremely powerful and it will be important to set up healthy new behaviors to help us break the pattern. For example, if it is possible to go to a co-dependency or support group, that may be our best course of action. However, we may also need to have a safe friend to call to talk us off the ledge. Our brains will attempt to convince us things weren’t that bad. We will want to go back and question if we really need to cut the relationship off. If we stay the course, our self preservation will eventually return and we will recognize how unhealthy the relationship was. Admission is the first step and recalibration of our nervous system will follow if we resume our daily self care.
